skip to content »

Red flags list on dating for women

The following is a list of red flags for you to notice and pay attention to when dating someone or beginning a new relationship.

It does indeed happen that someone can be an asshole in private will conceal this behind a public facade and do lots of good away from home as a renowned therapist, a much loved social justice activist, or as a charismatic and saintly spiritual leader.You will inherit the Rescuer mantle and constantly have some family member in crisis, needing to sleep on your couch, get a loan, etc.He seems quiet gentle, even courteous most of the time, but blasts off like a raging maniac while watching sports on TV or ranting about social or religious injustice.And if he DOES seem to change, he'll only revert back the moment you let up, and he'll only resent you the whole time you are trying to get him to change.It's not worth it." Through some personal experience and in talking to many other women, we have compiled a list of things to watch for.On paper, it appears these actions and behaviors are changeable, but it’s not that easy.

Too many women are misled by the romantic myth that men are "diamonds in the rough" and we are supposed to "help" them become better men, often by sacrificing our own needs.

We are socialized to believe that if we help them, take care of them, give up our own needs for theirs, they will "take care" of us. Of course, men are just as vulnerable- they often marry women they barely know, feeling that they have to be "mature" and "grown up" and then end up miserable because they're stuck with someone they have nothing in common with.

Or they play "rescuer" and take up with women who are little, fragile dolls who need to be 'taken care of' and they say things like "She needs me, she's so fragile. The sad thing is, that the men/women who CAN change, do it on their own. They take time off from relationships, and work on their relationship with themselves.

And the sad thing is that far too many men, despite their loud and protesting denials, really just want another mother.

As one very wise woman put it, "Unfortunately, most men never left the tit." Some people, however, are worse than others, and in the true spirit of HBI, we have created our "Red Flag List" - things to watch out for, and turn and walk (quickly) away from - no matter HOW deeply involved you are in the relationship.

The can demonstrate REAL work and real change, rather than platitudes.