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And she zipped it up for me, and she looked at me, and she told me, "You look wonderful! "HOWARD: And she's holding you when she tells you this? We were looking in the mirror, and she was standing behind me, and looking at me.
Then maybe you get a snack, have some strawberries and cream, and wash it down with a Snapple. I didn't make it appetizing enough for the listeners. HOWARD: And you were fully developed ateighteen, were you not? HOWARD: Your breasts were a full D cup, your body had developed, you had hair on your body. I was very frightened when it happened but it ended up feeling good. No matter whose side you're on -- Cher's "I hate him. I really love him" -- Stern's brutally frank "Don't ask, I'll tell" tome spares no group or institution. The problem is after I give people the secret of life, they say, "Howard, that's not such a big secret." I know how they feel. He takes you through hell and then at the end, all of a sudden, he says, "The secret of life is strawberries and cream." What the hell is he talking about? Studded throughout with Howard's favorite photos, pickings from the Hate-Mailbag and illustrations, this is the original, in-your-face manifesto complete with movie art that will once again have fans storming the bookstores..everyone else running for cover. I just sat through three hours of boredom to find out that life is strawberries and cream? If you're not, then maybe you have a boyfriend or girlfriend. If your testicles feel all right, you bang your wife. The secret of life, in one cliche, if I may sum it up for you, is: ENJOY, EVEN IF YOU'RE NOT ENJOYING. That still wasn't good enough for Robin."You gotta say life will be sweet and all the rewards of the world will be yours," she said. Here's the secret of life: Jump into a tub, get yourself wet. That's the secret of life, you retards."Copyright © 1993, 1994 One Twelve Inc. HOWARD: She held you and hugged you against her chest.
LISA: She started caressing me and touching my arms and all.
I stroked and manipulated my shaft, careful not to hit the steering wheel.
No big deal to try it on in front of her." Now, here you are, with one of the best bodies I've ever seen, and all of a sudden you take off your sundress.
Since Private Parts is an autobiography we thought we'd let Howard sum it all up in his own words: My Secret of Life Why doesn't everyone behave? That rat bastard, I'd like to take his Swedish ass and throw it out the window. You eat a little breakfast, maybe read the newspaper. If your teacher tells you to sit in the chair, you sit in the chair. You watch a video you rented or maybe you go out to the movies. Stop looking for a big bang, stop looking for some kind of excitement. The secret to losing weight is to keep your big fat trap shut."But I got to have butter on my potato or I can't eat it." I'll put you in a concentration camp for one week, and you'll eat a potato without butter. "Lie, Howard."I thought about it for a second."You're right, Robin, I should lie. I was driving to work on the Long Island Expressway.
I went through a chess game with Death to find out that life is strawberries and cream? If you don't feel like it, you force yourself, anyway. Then you go home to your bedroom, you mellow out a little bit. And if you can't go along with these rules, you're a misfit. It'll taste like ice cream to you."The secret to life is so simple," I declared on my show.
This friend of your mother's, what did she look like?