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Mostly, though, Damian was careful about what he told his mother, and she still doesn’t really know what he was doing there. By spring 2013, their conversations had become excruciating.“You try to convince them to come home and you beg and you plead, then you try to have some normal conversation,” Boudreau recalls.

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Christianne Everyone is still hurt that you would leave us all and put yourself at risk while we guess every day whether you’re alright or not.“You can hear people yelling at each other in Arabic.” Once, Damian told her there were planes flying low, which he said meant that they were about to drop bombs.He began to run while Boudreau was still on the phone.He wouldn’t eat with the family if there was wine on the table.He told his mother that women should be taken care of by men and that it was acceptable to have more than one wife. In the summer of 2012, he moved into an apartment with some new Muslim friends right above the mosque in downtown Calgary where they all prayed.On January 23, 2013, Boudreau was home from work nursing a bad back when two men knocked on her door.

They told her they were Canadian intelligence agents. He had traveled to Syria with his roommates and joined the local branch of al-Qaeda, Jabhat al-Nusra. Most young people who run away to join radical groups in Syria make .

“Lukas,” she wrote, “I love you so much my beloved son. Hold your soft hands in mine and smile at you.” Dam had no idea who might have gained access to her son’s phone or Viber account, but she was desperate for information.

Trying to stay calm, she wrote back: “Also yours, sweetie, but mostly Lukas’s.” In Norway, Torill, who asked that her last name not be used, learned of the death of her son, Thom Alexander, from the recruiter who had sent him to Syria to fight.

After they’ve gone, their parents are left with a form of grief that is surreal in its specificity.

It is sorrow at the loss of a child, it is guilt at what he or she may have done, it is shame in the face of hostility from friends and neighbors, and it is doubt about all the things they realize they did not know about the person whom they brought into the world.

These women are just four of thousands who have lost a child to the Islamic State, also known as ISIS.