Just dating vs relationship
You are no longer an individual living alone in your separate living space.You are sharing a life with another individual, someone who is very important to you.
Marilyn and Chuck: In our relationship, we strive to come together as a couple to work through our disagreements.It took different relationships and some soul searching to figure out that I was always just as much to blame in any given situation. When Marilyn and I have disagreements, I still want to be right most of the time, but I’m finding some added awareness which allows me to see a bigger picture.This is what we spoke about earlier, namely, putting the problem outside the relationship.Chuck: When I was a teenager, I didn’t know it, but I always wanted to be right. It took years of fighting before I noticed that if I didn’t have to be right there was no fight.I began to try and see my partner’s point of view and why I was so intent in holding on to my position.In other words, when you and your partner disagree on an issue, you need to decide what is more important, the relationship or being right and making the other person wrong.
My belief is that if the couple can learn to become a team, us versus the problem, instead of me versus her/him, then a solution that works for both parties can be found, both people win, and the relationship is strengthened.
This article will explore ways to tame our inherent need to be right so that we can form our own definition of loving relationships. First, we need to handle the nagging question that immediately comes up when working with issues of being right.
Most people who have been in relationship for any length of time can relate to disagreements in the areas of household chores and finances. Or, in the area of finances, suppose your family had a strict savings plan for future retirement and your partner was raised with the belief that one should enjoy the moment, trusting that the Universe will provide all that is necessary for her/his prosperity? Namely, how do you handle the feeling that you’re giving up something by letting the other person win or have their own way.
Let’s say, for example, that you were raised in a family where it was the man’s responsibility to take care of the yard and all indoor chores were considered woman’s work. As the Relationship Specialists, we support putting the relationship first.
What happens then, when you marry and your partner expects equal participation with all the chores? What this means is that when differences arise remember, you are in a relationship.
Growing up, we believed that the way things were in our family was the way things were in the world.