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Remember to take time out if it gets too intense, and then to return to the topic and talk about the important stuff when you have had a breather.

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These feelings can make it extremely difficult to talk to each other. We know that shame – just like a mushroom – grows best in the dark.This may include self-soothing by use of alcohol, overwork, excessive interest in sex or pornography, etc. You do not have to accept or approve of behaviours that are not working for you or your relationship; nor is it your job to fix them.It is worth encouraging him to access support that helps him develop more life-affirming patterns and ways of dealing with stress and distress.A relationship can be a place of intense joy and pleasure, and at times can produce considerable heartache and distress.Relationships where one or both parties have experienced childhood sexual abuse or sexual assault are no different.Whether you or your partner was sexually abused or not, this will always be the case.

There is no prescribed way that an experience of sexual abuse will impact on a man or on his relationships. A man will often try to find his own way to deal with the experience of sexual abuse, and will work hard to limit its impact on his life and relationships.

They should not be seen as evidence of a damaged person.

It can be useful to talk and understand how this behaviour developed, the reason behind it and how it has become a habit.

Partners and men who have been sexually abused have identified a number of themes that can appear in their relationships. The closeness-distance dynamic is one of the common relationship challenges following sexual abuse, in which you might experience a see-sawing in your relationship.

Your partner might at times seek out re-assurance and assistance, and at other times distance himself, wanting to work it out on his own.

Many of the ways you have used to get through difficult times together will continue to be helpful in overcoming problems related to sexual abuse or sexual assault.