Dating advice signs trouble danger
Like the issue of common interests and sexual attraction, there is this dangerous assumption that someone who we find worthy of dating in the first place must be someone who is worthy of a relationship.
If you’re not getting to know them or you are, and are experiencing things that are at the very least proceed with caution signals or at their worst, full on abort mission signals, this is because you’ve already decided to commit, regardless.Dating does require effort, but if you already have to work at dating someone, you’ve got issues. As I said in my last post on Future Faking and Fast Forwarding, if you can’t handle the emotional consequences of making mistakes or being disappointed, aside from slowing down and rolling back your level of investment, I would address these areas so that you can date with a reasonable level of confidence and not feel like it’s a ride or die situation.I’m not saying that there might not be a hiccup here or there, but if you start dating someone and you’re already feeling like you have to ‘work’ at a relationship you don’t have, the rot will set in fast. Our job when we date, aside from hopefully enjoying ourselves, is to work out what and who we’re dealing with before we make a commitment to have an exclusive relationship and before we feel safe enough to put both feet in and invest ourselves. Manage your insecurities, address any limiting beliefs, and don’t make dating a vocation.It’s your job to do the discovery work and you have to prepare yourself that sometimes you’ll make discoveries that mean you have to opt out. Yeah it’s a pain in the arse, but it’s better than the pain that comes with detracting from yourself or pursuing something past its sell by date. When you enter emotional shock, it’s generally because your belief that the world is a safe place has taken a hit.
Something has happened that you didn’t expect, weren’t prepared for, and couldn’t prevent happening. Notice if you are manifesting any physical signs of fear.
You may feel that you have a lot in common – you might, you might not and you will never know this unless you put in the time and discover.
This whole treating dating like a relationship not only sets you up for major disappointment because you’re going in too seriously, but you end up having an attitude like people should come with a dossier and a certificate giving them a clean bill of relationship health.
Suddenly, life feels dangerous and unpredictable, and you can’t trust anyone. Is your stomach anxious, do you have indigestion every time you eat?
Are you suffering muscle tension – tightening your shoulders and jaw?
Generally speaking, to get to the point of going on a date, there is some level of attraction there.