Dating a woman with young children
Don’t do anything you wouldn’t do in the presence of your elders. If you’re having a hard time with the kid disliking you, and this, for whatever reason cannot be resolved, then you must forfeit the relationship, or figure out a way as a team to work through the obstacles.
A few months ago I went on a coffee date with a very wonderful woman and ever since then we have been seeing each other.For example, my boyfriend was totally fine with letting his kid zone out in front of a Playstation for an entire Saturday afternoon. So it's up to you to point out that this makes you feel uncomfortable and is inappropriate. They practically beg me to take control of their kiddos at the restaurant. They're working, raising the kids, paying all the bills, doing all the housework, and are completely exhausted. I'm not saying you get to send them to their rooms or take away their phones. But sometimes they need to be told to CALM DOWN, STOP DOING THAT, ENOUGH! Because you aren't the parent, you get to do the easy disciplining, such as reminding them to eat over the plate because CRUMBS ARE GETTING EVERYWHERE, reminding them to go take a bath because it's bedtime already GEEZ HURRY UP, and hollering HEY STOP PULLING THE CAT'S TAIL when you hear the wee feline screech in pain. When you date someone who has a child, you're dating that child, too.If this were "my kid," we would have been doing something else. Set the boundary with the boyfriend first -- in private. When they first started having babies, they freaked out if I told their toddlers, "No! Go Ahead and Fall in Love Let that child or children into your heart. Other people's children are such a blessing in my life, and I'm honestly very sad that I don't get to spend time with my ex-boyfriend's son anymore. One of the coolest things my cousin has ever done happened at her wedding.Knowing that I was moving back to a small town after years of living in cities, I looked at my therapist and said: "I can't date someone who has children. And while I was in love with both the man and the kid, I was totally lost. There is nothing wrong with single or divorced parents. But my friends back home in the small town I was moving back to? He had a son with his ex-girlfriend, who I also remember from my past. I was in a relationship with a man who had a 10-year-old son. I was 29 years old, and the majority of my friends in Chicago were childless or childfree, whichever term you prefer. I knew that by moving back here, I was inviting many children into my day-to-day life -- and probably my love life, too. Despite all of my fears, I reconnected with this man from my youth.So here is my advice about dating people with kids.
Take from it what you will: Wait Even though my boyfriend was eager to introduce me to his kiddo early on, we waited a long time before it actually happened.
But some of the things they said or did were NOT funny. You will show me the same respect that you show women like your mother or teachers." BAM. You'll know when it's the right time -- mostly because you'll feel like your head is going to explode. Since it's his house, the tween will not realize the awkwardness of the situation.
Keep Your Own Life and Rules You'll need to find out the "rules" from the parent. The boyfriend might be oblivious to it, too, because he's too busy watching the football game. We shared inside jokes, teased each other ruthlessly, and I think deep down inside he loved me just as much as I loved him.
But I quickly learned that this wasn't my kid, and the rules were different at my boyfriend's house. So if I felt a Playstation attack coming on, I left. I invited them places and if they didn't want to go, I went with someone else or by myself. If he doesn't do anything about it if it happens again, go straight to the kid. (And I can hear the parents recoiling that the childless girl is suggesting it! She not only gave vows to her new husband, she also gave vows to her new stepson.
When you date someone who has a child, they can feel that their life has more "weight" than yours -- like you should do whatever they want to do based on their schedules and needs. Be gentle, but let them know that things are a-changin' in the house. If I ever find myself in that situation, I'll totally do it, too.
For now, my advice is to also play the waiting game with the ex -- take your time before you meet him or her. Realize you are taking someone else's child into your life.